


Not a normal day

by QueensEverywhere (Blodeuwedd)



Series: Branjie Drabbles [3]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:15:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25724965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blodeuwedd/pseuds/QueensEverywhere
Summary: On a normal day he doesn't miss him so much. Today is not a normal day.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
Series: Branjie Drabbles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865911
Kudos: 11





	Not a normal day

This isn’t what he normally does, no. It isn’t a normal day. Normally he doesn’t drink this much, feel this much, hurt this much. No, not normally, not under regular circumstances. But today is not a normal day. It’s a special occasion.

Today isn’t normal, because today he saw _them_. _Him_. And his new lo… boyfriend. Partner. Boo. He refuses to even think about the L word. No, he won’t. If he doesn’t think about it, it’s not true. Right?

Today he saw _them_ and, more importantly, _they_ didn’t see him. He had been shopping, going in and out of busy stores on a busy street, totally unprepared. He didn’t know it wasn’t going to be a normal day. He wasn’t ready.

He didn’t have time to prepare, life didn’t give him a chance to brace for impact. He looked up, blinked, and there they were. Hands intertwined, fingers fitting perfectly together, just like theirs used to fit. Big smiles that reached their eyes, loud laughter, just like they used to have. Eyes focused on each other, deep in conversation, not even noticing the world around them. Just like they used to do.

He shouldn’t have watched them, he knows he shouldn’t have. He should have averted his eyes, looked away, hid. Protected himself. But he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help being completely mesmerized by the vision of _his_ smile, his beauty, his happiness. _Their_ happiness. They both looked happy. Complete. In lo… No, he wouldn’t think it. So he stared. Just stared, attracted to them like a moth to a flame, even though he knew he’d end up burnt. Scorched. He couldn’t help it. He’d always been a masochist that way.

So if he had run back home, if he’d poured himself a drink or two or twenty, if he’d scrolled endlessly through the many pictures of them he’d never had the guts to delete completely, who could judge him? It wasn’t a normal day. These were not normal circumstances.

He opens and closes the pictures, wondering if he should delete them, knowing he won’t. He’s not strong enough. Not yet. So he drinks. And reminisces. And cries. And no one can judge him, because there’s no one there. He’s alone. Like always. At least _that_ is normal.

And later, much later, when he opens the message app on his phone, when his finger hovers _his_ name, when he stares at the screen trying to summon the right words, the wrong words, any words, still no one can judge him. No one can blame him. This is not a normal day. Today his world turned upside down. Today he was reminded that he once had something beautiful, precious, rare. But that’s not his life anymore. He doesn’t get to have that anymore. He doesn’t deserve it anymore. He maybe never did.

The words are blurry and he can’t really focus on the screen through his tears and his pain and the alcohol in his blood, but he manages to type out a message, sends it before he can think twice. Maybe he should think twice. Normally he would think twice. But not today.

_I miss you._

A tear falls on the screen, then another.

_I miss us._

He wipes the tears away.

_Do you ever miss us?_

He takes a deep breath, then another. He waits for a second, then two, three, four…

Sighing, he blocks his phone. He doesn’t need to wait for an answer. He isn’t even sure he wants one.

.

.

.

_Read at 10:27_


End file.
